250 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Funny (2024)

Being a dad isn’t always easy. For starters, you’re often an unpaid Uber driver and you tend to get accidentally kicked in terrible places. To add insult to (literal) injury, you’re also frequently overruled when the kids go ask Mom instead and blamed for anything that remotely smells like a fart. But fatherhood isn’t without perks. It also comes with dad jokes! Yes, you gain a license to make the cheesiest, corniest, hot-dog-on-a-stick-covered-in-nacho-cheese-sauce jokes as often as you’d like, regardless of your children’s reactions. In fact, you can even make extra dad jokes when you get a less-than-stellar reaction. Honestly, it kinda makes the whole parenthood thing worth it.

So to help all dads and people in dad-adjacent professions out there—we’re looking at you, coaches, managers and teachers—we’ve compiled not 100, not 200, not 300, but 250 legendary dad jokes. (We had to stop at 250 because like all dads, our lower backs started to hurt.) Enjoy the world’s best jokes right here … and the subsequent groans and exclamations of “Daaaaaad!” that follow.

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Best dad jokes

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• Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

• I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden. But how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

• Everyone knows Murphy’s Law, where “anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” But do you know Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

• Albert Einstein was a genius who gave up wearing socks, so I wonder how smart I’ll become once I stop wearing pants.

• A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

• My son’s fourth birthday was today. When he came to see me, I didn’t recognize him at first. I had never seen him be four.

• I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.” So I went in and applied for the job.

• A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

• It’s a shame that the Beatles didn’t make the submarine in that song green. That would’ve been sublime.

• I know some people pick their nose, but I was born with mine.

• I love reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had growing up. Good thymes.

• I’m reading a horror novel in braille. Something bad is about to happen—I can feel it.

• I got hit in the head with a can of co*ke today. Don’t worry, I’m not hurt. It was a soft drink.

• I made six figures last year. But this year, I’ll earn less since the toy factory fired me for being so slow.

• Atoms are very successful. They’re into everything.

• I ran track in high school, but luckily I never got hit by a train.

• I’m so old that I remember when King Kong was only Prince Chimp.

• You can put a man on the moon, but you’re not allowed to moon a man.

• My kids call me a weekend dad. I take care of them every single day, but all that parenting leaves me very weakened.

• Never hand Princess Elsa a balloon. She’ll just let it go.

• I remember my first crush. It hurt … a lot. But what else should I expect from a 40-pound boulder on my foot?

• Did I tell you the joke about amnesia? No really, did I? I can’t remember.

• I never liked facial hair as a kid, but then it grew on me.

Loving these dad jokes? Then you’ll definitely cackle at these Father’s Day memes.

Corny dad jokes

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• How does your mother know all of my jokes?
  She’s momniscient.

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
  I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

• What crime was the cranky baby guilty of?
  Resisting a-rest.

• Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank?
  They just wash up on shore.

• Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
  Because they’re that good at it.

• Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?
  He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.

• What is the most popular fish in the ocean?
  A starfish.

• Why did the fisherman go to church underwater?
  Because he believed in Cod.

• What’s the least-spoken language in the world?
  Sign language.

• How do surfers greet each other?
  They wave.

• Why is grass so dangerous?
  Because it’s full of blades.

• Why do people of all ages love elevator jokes?
  Because they work on so many levels.

• What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite type of music?
  Hip-hop.

• How long should socks be?
  Twelve inches, so you can fit in one foot.

• Why did the judge crash his car?
  Justice is blind.

• Why are children better than plants?
  Kids remind you to water them.

• Why is church on Sundays?
  God is a college football fan.

• Why did the dad go down the side of a mountain inside a giant tire?
  To be a good roll model.

• What’s the toughest part of building with blocks?
  Learning to Lego.

• What happens if you eat sand?
  You don’t get desert.

• Why did the chicken cross the road yet again?
  To get away from all these jokes you’re telling about him.

• Son: “Dad, I’m hungry.”
  Dad: “Hi, hungry. I’m Dad.”

• Dad: “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?”
  Daughter: “No. What happened?”
  Dad: “The teacher woke him up.”

• Son: “Dad, can you make me a sandwich?”
  Dad: “Sure.” (Holds one piece of bread on either side of son’s head.) “You’re a sandwich.”

• Daughter: “What’s for dinner?”
  Dad: “No, we’re having pasta, not whatsfer.”

• Son: “What happens when we die, Dad?”
  Dad: “God gets to answer your questions instead of me.”

• Daughter: “Are we there yet?”
  Dad: “Yes.”
  Daughter: “Really?”
  Dad: “Maybe. You didn’t specify where ‘there’ is.”

• Son: “Dad, where do babies come from?”
  Dad: “Why? You want me to return you?”

• A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says.
  “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

• A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says.
  “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

• A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?”
  The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

Admit it—you laughed. Here are more bad jokes you won’t be able to resist.

Dad joke puns

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• A steak pun is a rare medium done well.

• I breed racing deer to make a quick buck.

• Good pasta costs a pretty penne.

• Not a dad bod—a father figure.

• Dad did a grape job raisin me.

• Dad to the bone.

• A dad workman always blames his tools.

• Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

• Never take anything a young cat does too seriously. They’re just kitten.

• Orthodontics cost how much? You could’ve warned me to brace myself.

• When grilling burgers, don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

• A penny saved is a penny earned. That’s just common cents.

• Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

• I’ve got some good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people’s heads.

• I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.

• I enjoyed jokes about sushi until they left me raw.

• I’d never call you chicken. That’d be fowl.

• The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• I got rid of our vacuum. It only gathers dust.

• I’d love to share what made me laugh during the pandemic, but they’re all inside jokes.

• I stopped having steak for dinner. We got beef.

• I recently went to the World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.

• I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It’s my special tea.

• The man’s dentist appointment was scheduled for tooth hurty.

• I always eat an egg on Fryday.

Yep, that one earns and eye roll … and a laugh! Here are more funny Friday jokes to entertain yourself at the end of a long week.

Dad joke one-liners

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• A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

• I’m reading a novel where the main character has strained the muscles around his spine. That’s his backstory.

• My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point.

• My son has his BA and his MA, but his P­A still supports him.

• My IQ test results came back—they were negative.

• My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.

• Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

• Believe it or not, I used to be cool, but then our AC broke.

• It’s raining cats and dogs, and how those animals got in the sky, I’ll never know!

• Does the existence of Godzilla mean there’s also a Devilzilla?

• Age isn’t just a number—it’s a word.

• There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but each way makes the cat furry-ious.

• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

• Living well is the best revenge … after filling your enemy’s car with bees.

• I joined the PTA, but was disappointed when I learned it doesn’t stand for “Pass the Alcohol.”

• When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be—I wish they’d told me that identity theft is a crime.

• My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

• I tried to make a joke about retirement, but it didn’t work.

Don’t miss these other jokes about aging that make growing old so much funnier.

Cheesy dad jokes

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• How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
  Why are you asking? What do you know?

• What did one DNA say to the other DNA?
  “Do these genes make me look fat?”

• What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street?
  A large fortune.

• How does the man in the moon get his hair cut?
  Eclipse it.

• Did you hear the one about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?
  It was a knot-for-profit.

• Teacher: “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool.”
  Johnny: “Uh-huh. So what are the words?”

• What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
  The space bar.

• What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
  He has a meltdown.

• Did you hear about the circus fire?
  It was in tents.

• What does a mobster buried in cement soon become?
  A hardened criminal.

• What does “idk” stand for?
  Everyone I ask says, “I don’t know.”

• Why was the pig covered in ink?
  Because it lived in a pen.

• How do you make a tissue dance?
  You put a little boogie in it.

• Did you hear what happened to the guy they caught stealing 50 cartons of hand sanitizer?
  They couldn’t prosecute because his hands were clean.

• Why was the rookie police officer assigned to hunt the cannibal?
  The more seasoned officers had already been eaten.

• Did you hear the joke about experiencing déjà vu?
  Did you hear the joke about experiencing déjà vu?

• What do you call a snitching scientist?
  A lab rat.

• Wanna hear a joke about paper?
  Never mind. It’s tearable.

• What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
  Nobody knows.

• Can February march?
  No, but April may.

• What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
  Anna one, Anna two.…

• Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in?
  He went to see Closed for the Winter.

• Daughter: “I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff and Nathan Lewis.”
  Me: “When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?”

• What’s the medical term for when a lawn mower runs over your foot?
  A pain in the grass.

• If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do Air Force pilots get?
  Missile toe.

Does Dad have all the jokes? Not if you’re armed with this reserve of military jokes!

Dad jokes about being a dad

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• Where do I keep all my dad jokes?
  In a dad-abase.

• What do you call a frozen father?
  A popsicle.

• Why would a father freeze himself?
  To lower his heating bill.

• Why did the dad stare at a piece of fruit?
  He was watching Apple TV.

• When does a joke become a dad joke?
  When it becomes apparent.

• Why do dads always buy minivans?
  Because it’s illegal to steal them.

• What are the four seasons of being a dad?
  Turn down the heat, open the windows, turn down the AC, close the windows.

• Why do dads of teenagers often get into reading books about World War II?
  To fantasize about an easier life.

• Why did I wait to start telling dad jokes until I got older?
  Because now I’m a groan-up.

• Why do dads always take so long in the bathroom?
  Because it’s their rest room.

Why should Dad have all the fun? Your mother deserves some hilarious and relatable mom jokes of her very own too.

Dad knock-knock jokes

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• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Nobel.
  Nobel who?
  Nobel, so I had to knock!

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Ayatollah.
  Ayatollah who?
  Ayatollah you already!

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Father.
  Father who?
  Father.
  Father who?
  Father.
  Father who?
  Father than this joke usually goes on for, right?

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Nacho.
  Nacho who?
  Nacho who’s at the door? Maybe get a peephole.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Interrupting child.
  Interrupting chi—
  DAAAAAAAD!

Knock their socks off with more of the best knock-knock jokes for kids.

Short dad jokes

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• What’s brown and sticky?
  A stick.

• What app can get you a nana the moment you need one?
  InstaGram.

• Why can’t I play Candy Land anymore?
  Diabetes.

• What’s 2 plus 2?
  Tutu!

• What invention allows us to see through walls?
  Windows.

• What word gets shorter when you add two letters?
  Short.

• What’s the difference between a man wearing pajamas on a bicycle and a guy wearing a tuxedo on a unicycle?
  Attire.

• What are you if you see a robbery at an Apple store?
  An iWitness.

• What do you call someone who always states the obvious?
  Duh-mmy.

• What do you call a hippie’s wife?
  Mississippi.

• What’s the most religious animal?
  A monkey.

• What kind of cat should you never trust?
  A cheetah.

• Do I enjoy making legal puns?
  Guilty.

If you’re looking for a witty legal retort to that last one, try this list of lawyer jokes any jury would agree are hilarious.

Dad jokes about food

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• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
  Nacho cheese!

• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours and is sitting on the table?
  Still nacho cheese!

• Which fruit has the most active lifestyle?
  Mango-go-go!

• Which vegetable needed the Heimlich maneuver?
  The artichoke.

• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
  A carrot.

• Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
  Because he couldn’t find a date.

• What did the mommy tomato say to the kid tomato when they were walking slowly?
  “Ketchup!”

• Where do you learn to make ice cream?
  Sundae school.

• How much do I love crunchy tacos?
  From my head tomatoes.

• What happened at the cheese factory that exploded in France?
  De-brie everywhere!

• Did you hear the rumor about butter?
  Well, I’m not going to spread it!

• Why do melons have weddings?
  Because they cantaloupe.

• What do Bostonians call a fake noodle?
  An impasta.

• What’s a tortilla’s favorite genre of music?
  Wrap.

• What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
  A hug and a quiche.

• What did one plate say to another plate?
  “Tonight, dinner’s on me.”

• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  Great food, no atmosphere.

• Why do pumpkins sit on porches?
  They have no hands to knock on the door.

Hungry for more? Here’s another helping of deliciously clever food puns.

Dad jokes about pop culture

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• Why wouldn’t Legolas share his snack with the rest of the Fellowship of the Ring?
  He’s elfish.

• What’s the most exclusive superhero team?
  The Just-us League.

• What’s a baby’s favorite Pokémon?
  Pika-boo.

• What’s a baby with a wet diaper’s favorite Pokémon?
  Squirtle.

• What band always needs to carry an inhaler?
  Weezer.

• What do you ask for when you want another race in Mario Kart?
  A Wii-match.

• What’s Captain Hook’s least favorite social media?
  TikTok.

• How many Sith lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
  Zero. They prefer the Dark Side.

• Why did the chicken cross the road?
  To fight Peter Griffin.

• Who’s number two in the Hundred Acre Wood?
  Winnie-the-Pooh.

• How do you make a peanut butter sandwich more rock and roll?
  Add Pearl Jam.

• Who’s the fastest pop star?
  Taylor Swift.

• Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?
  It was Chewie.

• What’s the name of the punk band that’s always complaining?
  The Ramoans.

• What do you call a mediocre superhero?
  Spider-meh.

• What do you call it when Batman skips church?
  Christian Bale.

• How does Spider-Man advertise his superhero services?
  On a website.

• Why is Peter Pan always flying?
  Because he Neverlands.

• What did Luke Skywalker give Darth Vader for Father’s Day?
  A hand.

Sorry, we couldn’t help ourselves. No matter which side of the Force you’re on, you’ll love these Star Wars jokes.

Dad jokes about monsters

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• Did you hear they arrested the devil?
  They got him on possession.

• Did you hear what happened to my friend who didn’t pay his exorcist?
  He got repossessed.

• How do you make holy water?
  You boil the hell out of it.

• What sound does a witch’s motorcycle make?
  Broom broom!

• What did the skeleton order with its beer?
  A mop.

• Which monster is always getting lost?
  A where-wolf.

• Which monster has a filthy mouth?
  A swear-wolf.

• What do Japanese monsters eat?
  Raw-men.

• What’s a vampire’s favorite ship?
  A blood vessel.

• Why didn’t the vampire want kids?
  He was afraid of having a sun.

• What’s a bad wizard’s favorite computer program?
  Spell check.

If you particularly loved that last one, check out these other byte-sized computer jokes that deliver big laughs.

Funny dad quips

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• My dog accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. I think it might spell disaster.

• I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll try a grape.

• It hurts me to say this, but I have a sore throat.

• I know a surgeon who puts organs back in upside down. I told him that’s not funny, but he said it was an inside joke.

• Inflation is really getting out of hand, but that’s just my five cents.

• I can guess what people do for a living just by looking at their hands. I mean, I’m usually wrong, but I can guess.

• My dentist offered me dentures for only a dollar. It sounded like a good deal at the time, but now I have buck teeth.

• I love writing on computers. You could say they’re my type.

• I’m amazing at sleeping. I can even do it with my eyes closed.

• I’m not losing hair. I’m winning hats.

• I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.

• Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest note passed in class. More on this story as it unfolds.

• You can’t stop and smell the flowers if you haven’t botany.

• I have a date for Valentine’s Day: February 14th.

• I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

• You can never count on stairs. They are always coming down with something.

• Can I be frank with you? You can pick a new name too.

• Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Want to impress him? These Father’s Day jokes will show Dad you’re a chip off the old block.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digesthas been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly ofNational Lampoonand the author ofNow That’s Funny.We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such asshort jokes,dad jokesandbad jokesso bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium,Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on the funniest dad jokes, Brendan Hay tapped his experience as a comedy writer for DC Comics and TV shows includingThe Daily Show,The SimpsonsandRobot Chicken. Read more about our team, our contributors and oureditorial policies.